Christina asked me what I fear most. This is a question I cannot answer easily, because I live in the midst of my greatest fear. I wallow in it.
Fear is an emotion of impending loss – to be deprived of your life, of your family, or friends, or possessions; to be paralyzed, mentally disabled or insane. To become blind. These things I fear, who would desire to loose them? But greater than this, I fear passing through life taking nothing but pictures and leaving nothing but footprints. Why should I live, if I contribute nothing to the human species? I'm not talking about leaving a genetic marker or even a family name. Those things would suffice, but they are not what I hope for. They are not what I fear to fail at.
I greatly desire to create something new (though I admit there's nothing new under the sun, but something original enough to be recognized as such). Probably a work of fiction, though some discovery of the forgotten ages would be superior, if I am fortunate enough to learn something. So, to answer her question, I fear nothing. I fear being nothing, making nothing, adding nothing, becoming nothing and blowing away in the wind when I'm through.
You fear the emptiness of the 2 AM of the soul. The missing echo when you speak. Every day staying the same whether you are in it or not. Like the world will never know if you lived and died. But even at the most we may exist as long as the memory of humanity only. Why were we made with a longing for eternity if we cannot achieve it? Unless...
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